Shoe's
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, When he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then,he sees a huge 12 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her.
She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it On to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.
The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out,
"Darn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

Pool Hall
One of my friends was dating a blonde girl that wasn't too bright to say the least.
Often she would come up with the most stupid comments that at first got us all laughing, but after a while also became a bit annoying to some. One day we were sitting in a pool hall talking.
The blonde participated in the discussion, and when she came up with an even for unusually stupid comment one of my friends couldn't take it anymore.
So he said to her "You must have vacuum in your head". This upset her. She looked at him for a couple of seconds and replied, "At least it's better than nothing".

The New Recruit
An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her.
She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room.
"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

Banana's
Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train. A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they'd never seen before. Each bought one. The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, "I wouldn't eat that if I were you."
"Why not?"
"I took one bite and went blind for half a minute."

Never Cheat on a Blonde
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blond is angry, she opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does so, she is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells "No, honey, don't do it."
The blond replies "Shut up, you're next."

Golf Balls
Two blondes were playing golf at a foggy par three, and could see the flag, but not the green. Each hit their ball anyway. When they walked to the green, they discovered one about three feet from the cup, while the other somehow had gone directly in.
They tried to figure out which ball belonged to who, since they were both using Titleist number threes. Unable to decide, they returned to the Club House and asked the golf pro for a ruling.
After hearing their story and congratulating them both on their superb shots under such adverse conditions he asked, "OK, so who was playing the yellow ball?"

The Mirror
There is a mirror in a store in New York City. This mirror gives one wish to a person that tells the truth, and eats you if you tell a lie.
First up is a redhead. She goes to the mirror and says, "I think I am losing weight."
*POOF* the mirror swallows her up.
Second up is a brunnette. She goes to the mirror and says, "I am the most beautiful woman alive!"
*POOF* the mirror swallows her up.
Finally, a blonde goes to the mirror and says "I think ..."
*POOF!*

Iron
A blonde with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang -- but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But. What happened to your other ear?"
"The son of a bitch called back."

The dumb Blonde?
A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY.
The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun.
He explains how the game works: "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and visa-versa."
Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The chauvinistic lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer:
"Okay, how about this "If you don't know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and friends he knows. All to no avail.
After over an hour, of searching for the answer he finally gives up. He wakes the blonde and hands her $50.
The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blonde and asks,
"Well, so what IS the answer?"
Again without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

Tree's all over the place
A state trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver. "Ma'am, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road?"
The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"
Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied,
"Ma'am...that's your air freshener."